God came down and talked to me last night. Was I dreaming? Don’t think so. Not the god-as-the-universe god, I’m talking God-God, Zeus-God. Real fleshy booming lightning and thunder and creator of universes on purpose God. He came down to me and told me my purpose in life. He said, “Your life is your purpose in the Universe.”
He told me my purpose in life was to be afraid, to experience depression, to regret everything, to be neurotic. God made me a promise, “I have willed that you make at least three more catastrophic mistakes before I kill you.” What a guarantee! How stressful! Why would God make me suffer so much? Not even as a test – why would he create such a foolish meaning?
He told me my purpose in life was to feel stress about finding a purpose in life. He even said that my life purpose is to try to wrap the illogical into a packet of rationality.
“Also, I have created you for the purpose of writing a fake story about talking to me. Please represent me as my creation Zeus.” I don’t understand his demands. Why did God give me a free will to declare I have enough free will for it to not matter? “For fun and games” says He.
“Your reason for living is to suffer then to try to find me, then to try to find Buddha, then to pretend you are Buddha, then to pretend you are me. You are here to pretend you know. My god I’ve been generous with your purpose. I’ve given you your whole life and death as a purpose – complete with the conflict of questioning that purpose!” He created the stars to infuse us with a feeling of meaning and belonging and then the ego to feel small about it.
He told me all these things. Maybe He lied. Maybe he laid down the obvious knowing it would just confuse.
I think I lied about talking to the Purpose Maker-Slayer to channel His point of losing purpose.
“You dense miracle! ABC-123 is how I made you I suppose. I’m telling you to lose your life’s purpose and see meaning in the process.”
I don’t know what I mean when I wrote that lie of a Truth of a god I made up. Maybe it’s to widen my understanding of purpose. If I’m worried about finding purpose in life then I could feel that’s my purpose. If I see ‘worry’ as what I’m supposed to be doing then it disintegrates. Every time I see a negative as where I’m supposed to be – when I sit with it patiently and never hold onto it – it begins to fall away. When I see any positive as the place to be then I just hang out there. This sounds like bullshit until it’s tested. It’s what sitting for 100 hours throws you into.
I have a friend who feels guilty about smiling. He doesn’t think that’s where he should be. He doesn’t have a ‘passion’ driving his life. But the God of Nowever told me that he can just sit in his smile. He forgot to forget (aka found) about his purpose in life. He forgot the Faith! The faith in the Nowever God, the one of unstoppable becoming. That he-me forgot to set the program and let it run. Program then auto-pilot. Every day programming. Becoming in programming and becoming in auto pilot. I’m not being clear here. It’s because I can’t.
We should probably just ask Him.